I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
