I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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