at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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