He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
