Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
