I'm laying in your front yard are you home
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
high people should be assigned attendants
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Randomize
