I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
