i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
this boner is exhausting
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
