So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Is it because I queefed?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
