Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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