i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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