The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Bring me that man meat
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
