Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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