I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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