I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
