So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize