operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize