So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
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