So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
