He asked to "fluff my boner.."
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
