Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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