Midget sex pt 2 tonight
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
