he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
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