i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
