Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
