saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
