Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
