i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
