Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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