Yo dont text me then not text me
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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