i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
