no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize