On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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