I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
