He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I love how my cats smell like pot.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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