It's like a parade of train wrecks.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
