i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
