i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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