Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Randomize
