And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
