I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
