i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
