Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Randomize
