HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
