OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The air taste purple.
Randomize
