ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Dick very happy bro
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
