I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
