I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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