he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
