oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
