I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Randomize