I want to have your abortion
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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