She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
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