I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
