can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
