How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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