We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Quick, to the slutcave!
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
