Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
