just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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