I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize
