Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Panties = found
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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