Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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