Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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