Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
