I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
