I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
