I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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