I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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