i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize