i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
