the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
